Zain K.

The fear of not growing with time

July 5, 2022

This will be a short, single-write blog (in one sitting without re-reading to check for corrections). The reason? I don’t want to alter and modify things that might not make a ‘good impression’ on you.

I always have this innate ideology that as long as I live, I should continue learning new stuff. Things to make me grow as a human. Things that will make achieve these three things in life- happiness, health, and wealth.

In order to achieve this, I try to avoid ‘wasting’ a good portion of the day and try to spend time ‘productively’. I know both of these terms are subjective.

With my 24 hours in a day, I try to get involved in a lot of different things. I try to read, I try to write, I try to move forward with my research, I try to write stuff for LinkedIn, I try to make stuff for my youtube channel and get done with the other errands that come my way. Of course, some days are more successful than others.

There are days when I am able to accomplish a lot. There are days when I am not able to. That is completely fine. But during the latter days, I have this sense of feeling that maybe I am not growing ‘enough’ with time. Maybe I am not heading in the right direction or maybe the ways that I am following have stopped working for me.

And it leads to a snowball effect. Because of not having done enough one day, my mood the next day starts off as ‘not that great’. Maybe I will snooze my alarm a dozen times and end up waking an hour past my intended time and then sit wondering why I wasted an hour sleeping longer? Or maybe I will spend an hour watching youtube vids to help brighten up my mood only to have the reverse effect since I have now wasted another hour.

I don’t really know how to overcome it but what I have realized is that the realization that I need to improve on this is something I should at least be a little happy with. Maybe, it’s natural not to grow every day with time. I don’t know.

The other day I saw someone’s post where the person wrote that the only way to see an upward pattern, in the long run, is to look back, not forward. Maybe I should start focusing on doing the same.

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